Grandpa Update

Eric and I met up at the hospital today. Grandpa was very weepy and sad looking. He cried as he greeted Grandma and had Eric's Mom and I crying too. It's so touching seeing them greet each other in such a loving and private way. It was such an intimate moment I turned away in respect for their moment. I reflect on the way they love each other so very much and hope that Eric and I grow to love each other that way even in our old age. The way two elderly people love each other is very profound and special, unique to those who've been together for years and years.

Again, without too many details, Grandpa's prognosis is guarded right now. He looks pretty normal, but his medical problems keep mounting and compounding the next issue. It's a vicious cycle that I hope ends soon with him recovering well. I am fearful for him, to be very honest. The only thing we can do is take everything one day at a time and keep praying.

I know this is very hard on Kristie. I cannot imagine how hard. Grandpa is a fighter though and he really desires to get better-- that's half the battle right there.

Flo Finally Comes A-Knock'n

Yup. Having a fairly normal period. I think it's a little short though, it's almost over already, so that makes only two full days...but then again I am taking a different pill prescription than before, so maybe this will be my new 'norm'. Might be good.

I will confess that I did go out and get a pregnancy test. Eric video'd it. No! He did not video me on the toilet, I always use the 'dip' method. Somehow aiming a stream onto that small stick always leaves me with a wet hand and a dry stick--not what I had in mind, so I got smart and use a disposable cup to get my test sample. So, anyway, we were both holding our breath and it came out negative, so we are both relieved and my guilt is relieved greatly. As Kristie said in her comment about my last post "it would have been God's will" or something to that effect. And, to be sure, that is what kept me from freaking out over the possibility that I might have been expecting so soon. I have been taking my pill exactly right, no missed pills, I even take it the same time every day. So if I was preggers again it would not be my error, but God's blessing. So that makes it immensely easier to swallow. It's so nice to be able to lean on God's shoulder that way.

My Fears and Joys after Hannah, and Updates on Grandpa

I can safely say I feel pregnant. Even reading this line as I type it makes my heart jump up in tempo. Do I think I'm preggers again? No. Is it possible? Yes. I'm back on the pill, have been for two months now. I have all the symptoms of having my monthy visitor, Aunt Flo. But that's just it...I felt this way for three months into my pregnancy with Hannah. I was still on the pill (at the time I had no idea I was pregnant) and had fairly normal periods for two months of my pregnancy, the other two months before I found out I had all the symptoms of getting my period. Probably the fact I was still taking the pill and going thru the artifitial hormone cycle made me feel like I should start my period. I even had PMS when my pill pack was done gearing up for Aunt Flo.

So, in short, I don't trust my bodies signals anymore. So I'm sweaty palmed because I should have my period by now, or at least think I should. I've been thinking of it frequently today. I even asked Eric how he would feel if I was 'you-know-what' and he said, unhesitantly, "I would be excited". To tell you the truth I would be as well...but also worried, frustrated, scared, a little mad, and happy all in one. Isn't it amazing how God made us so complex? Sometimes I feel an emotion so strongly that I have to take several hours to decide which emotion(s) I'm feeling at the time.

Another baby right now would mean I'd have two diapered kids at once (can you say 'expensive'?), it also means Hannah would have a sibling very close in age. Pros and Cons. It would mean Hannah would not have much time with Eric and I before another child would take one-on-one time away from her. Con. It would mean we are even more of a family. Pro. It would mean chasing Hannah around while I just had another infant. Con. Another pregnancy would mean I could wear my maternity clothes again before they were too out of style, LOL. Pro! It would mean morning sickness and that horrid fatigue while Hannah is a very active, but very needy pre-toddler. Con. It would mean I'd get to love another being the way I love Hannah. Pro.

Truth...as I wrote the paragraph above I found it hard to come up with the "pro's" in the situation. Yes I'd be excited to have another baby. But really my worst fears lie with Hannah. I really want to concentrate on her for a couple years without another child. Could Eric and I balance these crucial early learning months, teaching Hannah and preparing her for life with another baby so young? How does that work? How does one make that work? I feel guilty about the situation and I'm not even in the situation!!!

This whole post could be just a stupid symptom of my impending visit from Aunt Flo. I do realize I'm getting wwwaaaayyyyy ahead of myself here. I'll probably have these fears for several more months untill I get used to the routene of my monthly hormone fluctuations again.

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Grandpa is doing Ok, not great but OK. He has some pretty major medical issues, some of which are chronic and we knew about, others are chronic and we didn't know about. Because we are talking about someone other than Eric, Hannah or myself I will refrain from most details. I do realize this kind of thing is private, heck I would not, not, not appreciate someone blogging about my medical issues without expressed consent!!

He may have a surgery but we are not sure if the surgery would help more than harm....

A New Mile Stone

I forgot to say that yesterday morning when I got up to get Hannah up to get ready for Church she was on her back! Why is this significant? Because I put her to sleep on her tummy and she had rolled over for the very first time. Yay Hannah *does a little dance*

**for those of you out there that are about to lecture me on my daughter sleeping on her tummy (not recommended by the governing body for pediatricians) I already know. It was an informed decision not made lightly. Obviously so far she is fine.....**

My Weekend and Stuff

I have had an exhausting weekend for sure!! I've been trying to work as many hours as I can at my part time care giving job and also for this entire past week everyday I went over to my friend Julie's house. Julie was out of town and I went over to help out with caring for her dogs, remember she is Foenix's breeder? Well now you know. Anyway her two son's were there with their dad, but I wanted to go over and make sure that everything was going OK (and that everything was getting done too!). Julie has a couple of very nice kids. Both of them, ages 12 and17, are smart, respectful, and funny kids with great hearts. Neither of them are the 'typical' boys for this time. I really have a lot of fun with them both. Julie will love to hear how they both chipped in with chores, did a great job and got along so well (at least while I was there). Their dad did a great job too!!

On Friday afternoon Eric's Grandfather went into the hospital via an ambulance. He had stopped breathing and was on a ventilator for nearly 24 hours!! Everyone really though his time had come and we were not going to have much time with him left. It was really hard. I went into 'support and nurse mode' and didn't really break down at all. I was thinking so much of Kristie all the way in NZ and her Grandpa on his deathbed, how horrible for her!! I also know this would have been the closest death in Eric's family, Eric has never dealt with a death before so I was worried about him too. Good news!! Grandpa made a truly miraculous turn around and early Saturday morning he was conscious and agitated for being on the machine. He was ex-tubated that afternoon and was move into a regular hospital ward today!! Amazing Grace!!! Thank God for the renewed time we have with Grandpa!!

When I saw Grandpa yesterday and he was responsive and without the ventilator all my facade went out the door and I bawled like a baby in relief. I really, really love Eric's family and Grandpa and Grandma mean so much to me, even more so since having Hannah--they are her Great Grandparents, how lucky is she to have so much extended loving family!! Well, "luck" has nothing, zero, zip to do with it...we all know it's God's Hand blessing her.

I'll keep my blog updated on how Grandpa is doing.

Other than that I'm PMSing to beat the band. Have a headache, want some chocolate. I think I'm almost to the point were I could go on an exercise/diet plan and stick to it....but for now a Hershey's bar sounds like therapy and a spa day all wrapped into one. Geez. *roll eyes*

I have not said a word about the dogs in a long time. Dog training is almost non-existent and I'm not a bit sorry for the moment. I just love concentrating on Hannah and my family right now it just feels like what I should be doing. I will start back with French Ring with Feo when I get some extra money to pay my club dues. I guess that's all.

You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....you can load all frequently used dishes, cookware, utensils and glassware, and have it fit, and have it all come out clean.

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....while your husband helps out and loads the dishwasher you can't help but leave your own housework to make a lot of "oh so helpful suggestions" on where to put items (everything)

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....you have slight anxiety over hearing the dishwasher running and realizing you are not the one who turned it on. As you approach the sink your fears are confirmed-- half of the things that could have gone in are still in the sink. *sigh*

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....you have a list of helpful tips on how to get the hard-to-remove-stuck-on-food-particles to come off in the dishwasher. And then you tell your husband and actually expect him to remember next time he loads the dishwasher, which of course he does not because only you are that particular about it.

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....while helping clean up a friends/relatives kitchen you are most happy to do anything but load the dishwasher, after all it's not your dishwasher, it's not your territory and you might look silly-- or worse-- look like as bad a dishwasher loader as that person's husband *gasp*

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....when your old, slightly broken dishwasher gets fixed you feel excited about loading it the next time. I mean you are really looking forward to bonding with the improved dishwasher.

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....the thought of teaching your kids how to properly load your dishwasher you remember your own Mother getting ticked off at you about how 'carelessly' you loaded when you were a kid. The flood of sudden understanding brings a rush of nastalgia that prompts to you call your Mother immediately, teary eyed, telling her you had an epiphany.
  

• You Might be a Dishwasher Nazi if....in those *rare* moments when you load the dishwasher A-la Husband-esque, you make sure to unload it before he sees it. After all, you must maintain your superior dishwasher loader status or risk him pointing out that you didn't put the casserole in it's normal place. The universe might implode if that happens. Yes, you're sure it will.
  

If you are wondering, Yes! I'm a Dishwasher Nazi. My Mom was too, and now I understand why and how you become one. When I realized this it was yet another moment when I took another step at becoming my Mother. LOL. Not that I mind.

Eric is slowly but surely coming over to the dark side. He'll be second Nazi in command by the time Hannah is old enough to load the dishwasher, and the cycle will start over. Muwahhahhahha hahaa haaa (evil laugh)

The 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Be Smug

LOL. Well maybe not laughing out loud, more like, saying G-rated curse words out loud (that would be GRCWOL, if you were wondering).

I was soooo smug about getting rid of our ants. Yesterday I found two of them in the kitchen. Only two. Not fourty. Just two, I have to keep reminding myself that it was only two. Today I found zero. I also keep reminding myself that the two I found did seem confused, or was that just my out of control imagination again? Well I didn't let the ants go back to the colony--I squashed them on site. Sorry (not really), I just have no patience for them from now on.

In going back to read more about them **More Wonderful Google** I found that some species of these small ants can have a secondary colony and possible multiple queens. Goody gum drops >:( So it seems my seemingly thwarted opposition might have an ace up their tiny sleeves! But, I am not going to wait so long to declare war again. If I find just one more I'll get out the boric acid and honey and let the carnage begin...again.

Is it terrible to admit feeling just a little smug again? Will I never learn? :D