I'm a Mom now, really.....

So I have not posted anything for a long time, about over a month now. I guess that means I have no more audience for my blog...oh well maybe Kristie will be kind enough to comment.. :) Anyway as the title says: I'm a Mommy for real. I still think it has not sunk in yet. Or maybe it has and I'm just waiting to feel something different than I feel? Don't know.

I had my baby girl on February 10th at 7:08pm. I had one heck of a labor and delivery which I will enthrall all of you with now: My water broke while in the shower on the 9th at about 3pm. I was not sure if it was my water breaking at first. But after I got out and was toweling off every few minutes I gush of clear fluid came out and pretty soon I was walking around the house with a towel between my legs. I called Eric and told him I thought my water broke and I would call him back to come home when I knew for sure. He got a second call about 45 seconds later as right after I got off the phone with him I had a large gush and left a puddle on the floor. I knew then and he was on his way home. I was nervous and excited and lots of other feelings all at once. I felt like crying a few times but did not.

Eric got home and we were waiting for my contractions to start. But they were just the Braxton-Hicks I'd been having. I called my Mom and called the Dr. to see what she wants me to do. I was told to wait until after I ate dinner and then head on up to the hospital. So thats what we did. Still no contractions of note.... We arrived at the hospital at 8:30pm and waited and waited for labor to begin.... I walked the halls and visited with my family. Eric's Mom and Dad came and it was fun to have everyone there. Still no labor pains.... I started to realize that I might have to go on the dreaded Pitocin to move things along. After your water breaks they want to deliver the baby within 24 hours and it was now 8+ hours since my water was confirmed broken. I was getting nervous. Finally at 3am and after no sleep Eric and I decided to get the Pitocin because my Braxton-Hicks were not getting any stronger. I was told to get some sleep but I could not sleep at all!!

On and on they kept upping my Pitocin until I was getting about 17 an hour. It was working according to the monitors but I could not feel the contractions as anything much different than before. This went on and on for hours. Still not much progress was made.

I had them check my cervix at about 11:30am, and was found to be 3 cm. and still 70% effaced. Finally at about 12pm on the 10th I went to the bathroom for the umpteenth time. While reaching for the toilet paper I heard and felt two large 'pops' down low in my belly and felt a huge rush of fluid. My water re-broke!! Wow how crazy was that? (Come to find out later they think that Hannah broke my water high up so it was not really putting me into labor.) I said to my Mom and Eric, who were right outside the bathroom, "hey my water just broke again!" And within about 25 seconds I felt the first real, honest-to-goodness contraction. And let me tell you, this was no picnic. It lasted a long time and once it was over I was nervous as I could be. I told myself to relax just in time for the next one to come on. It hit me so hard that I could barely sit still and keep from moaning my head off. And then the next one hit harder than the other two. They were coming fast and hard with only about 45 seconds to one minute between. I was totally unprepared for the amount of pain. It's crazy painful. Eric and I realized that I had hit "transition" labor without the build-up contractions. In other words I went into the hardest part of labor without any time to learn how to deal with the pain.

I felt at times like I was going crazy with pain. I do not know how I dealt with them except for Eric being there with me. I cried for the first few minutes and then got myself together. I moaned, panted, grunted and over all made lots of noise. At one point I got on the labor ball but that was a no-go and did not help me at all. The rocking chair was the only place I could deal with the contractions. The contractions came in sets of three, the first one was bad, the second was horrible and the third on in the set was the "I'm going out of my mind" kind of pain. Then they would start over. Pretty soon I got so I could anticipate the less painful ones (less painful here is quite relative!! LOL). After about 45 minutes and watching my Mom and Sister crying watching me labor I asked for an epidural because I thought I had still hours and hours of this to go. So the Anaesthesiologist came in and placed the epidural and I was in so much pain...and then about 10 minutes later was still in the same pain. He was concerned about me a little and I was too....I knew somehow that I was going to be one of those people who have complications with it. And I was right!! He kept giving me dose after dose of the meds and I merely had one leg numbed and could pretty much feel everything still. He asked the nurse to check me as he said I might be farther along in my labor than they thought.

Now mind you...this was only about an hour after they checked me and I was 3cm. The nurse checked me again and to every one's surprise I was 9cm!!! No wonder my contractions were so intense!!! My epidural still was not working so he came back in and gave me a second kind of drug for it...still did not work. Back he came and talked me into letting him replace it. So I had a second one placed, meanwhile my IV stopped flowing and so I had to have that redone as well. The second Epidural was slightly more effective though patchy and I could still feel about 85% of my contractions.

At about 2pm I was checked again and declared "ready to push". So I started pushing on my left side. Hannah was way, way up there and I pushed like this for about a half hour with very slow progress. Then I pushed with my legs in the stirrups, still slow progress. They told me to take a break. So I did....for about 25 mins. Suddenly on my side I felt the "urge to push". It felt like I was going to throw up but the energy was forced down instead of up. Thats the best way I can describe it. It was very primal. So again I pushed on my side. Then on my back for a long time. After 2 hours of push with every contraction I told the nurse I "needed to stand up or something to get this going" so she got the squat-bar out and I made slightly faster progress. It felt much better to be squatting!! I pushed for so long I started to get discouraged and felt disappointed with myself, but the nurse kept telling me I was making progress it was just very slow. I was getting so tired.

They called my Dr. in at about 6:15 and I pushed and pushed some more. Finally I knew I was making progress because I started to feel Hannah's head pushing on my perineum. By this time what little help the epidural gave me had worn off completely so I indeed had my un-medicated birth. Ha! When Hannah was crowing I felt a sharp stinging pain and realized I was tearing and it scared me a little. But I had to get her out and finally after my biggest longest push her head was out. I remember opening my eyes and watching my family around my and taking note of their faces. I was a wonderful moment that I treasure. One more push and I delivered the rest of her without my Dr. having to deliver her shoulders on at a time. I felt every inch of her come out of me, it was a most surprising feeling.

They put her on my tummy and I just started sobbing and looking at Eric and he was crying too. I looked at her and she was so awake and alert and didn't hardly cry at all. She made immediate eye contact with me and I was touching her and holding her head and crying more. Eric and I had a moment that I will never forget. I looked at him and we touched each other face at the same time and were saying how much we love each other and he was thanking me for what I had done. It was incredible. Eric started talking to her and she turned her head at the sound of his voice. He cut her cord and took her in his arms and she smiled up at his face while he talked to her. I fell head over heels in love with them both at that moment. Thank you God for this time and our baby.

All the latest excitement!!

My Mom is here visiting from Bothell. Eric and I drove around to get her on Sunday afternoon after Church. She's a great help around the house, we even made three batches of cookies last night. We made two oatmeal-cranberry and one batch of Coconut Macaroons, which I love. It's been really fun.

Today I had my nearly 38 week check up. I say 'nearly' because it's Thursday that I will officially be on my 38th week of pregnancy. Well I was hoping the doctor would check me for dilation and see if my cervix are changing at all. I asked the nurse and she said the Dr. does not usually check until the 39-40th weeks just because the women get really antsy and are depressed to find they are not dilated. So I didn't expect anything. The Dr. came in and was just doing the routine things and I told her Hannah has dropped really far and I've been feeling a lot of pressure on my pelvis. So she palpated me from the outside and seemed unsure of what she was feeling. She asked me "did I check you last time you were in?" I said, "no." Then she said I can't really tell what I am feeling here so maybe we should check and see. I was so excited I clapped my hands!! LOL.

So she did the internal exam and much to my surprise my cervix are 70% effaced (thinned) and the cervix have also moved down further. Also, not to my surprise but hers, that she could feel Hannah's head thru the thinned cervix. So Hannah is really far engaged into my pelvis!!! I am not dilated at all but really think I will have her very soon. Before the Dr. left she told me "See you in a week, if not much sooner!". Yay, whoo hooo!!

Right now my Mom and I are washing all the baby cloths and covers for the changing pad and the bassinet. I am getting so excited and Eric is also just so excited and hoping for his daughter very soon. I still don't think I'll be ready. I still need to clean the carpets, get the dresser set up, get our car seat, pack my hospital bag, clean the pantry.........

Continued from last night, plus new stuff from today....

I stopped posting last night so Eric and I could have 'the talk' about our birthing plan. We came up with several questions to ask our Doctor and I was very satisfied with it.

Fast forward to today and we had our appt at 1:30pm. I have to say I just love our Dr. She is a gem and I will stay with her as long as possible. We brought our tablet with our list and she took all the time we needed to answer all our questions. She really put my mind at ease and Eric and I have decided to stay with Silverdale Harrison to labor and deliver our daughter. First off my Dr. is very respectful of our decision to attempt a fully non-medicated birth. She never makes us feel foolish and is exceptionally supportive, yet keeps it real too. We talked about the Pitocin after delivery and she told us she would respect our decision either way. But she also educated us on why they administer it and also about the dosing. I was thinking that the pitocin would be given over time and was in a drip, therefore I would be bed bound for several hours. But that is not the case. They give one small dose, thru the IV and then they take the IV out an hour later--so not really a big deal. She also talked to us about iron levels and told us the small amount of Pitocin helps keep the new Mom from being iron depleted from a long drawn out, or bloody labor. I think it's a good idea in the long run after talking with her about it.

We also talked about the staff at the hospital and how we should approach them with our wishes. Our Dr. said she has never heard of an issue with the staff being pushy or bossy with a patient unless the baby or mother was in real distress. She told us when we do go in and are admitted that we need to tell the first nurse that we are trying for a natural birth and don't want to be offered pain meds, explain how we are intending on dealing with pain thru movement. We don't have to have the IV drip unless I'm dehydrated (so you know that means I will be drinking water like a fish!!LOL). We can just have the IV catheter thingy in my arm in case I need something, but I do not have to be hooked up all the time. Also they have the monitors that can be carried around with us and even go into the tub!! so if I really need the monitor I do not have to just lie passively in bed to do it, I can walk around and use the birth ball or whatever I want. So really all my fears are relieved and I feel sooooo much better about it. :D

Ohhh!! Something exciting! Hannah has 'dropped' meaning she's in the first part of being engaged into my pelvis for birth. Over the last three days she teased me a few times and dropped but came back up. I was not quite sure of what she was doing, I was just thankful for the relief. But as of yesterday AM I have not felt her feet under my ribs at all and I know she is lower because the rib pain is now traded in for pelvic pain. Oh well....I think I'll just try and enjoy the absence of the rib pain as opposed to complaining about the new pain. Try and think positively. I mentioned this to my Dr. today and she felt above my pubic bone and agreed that Hannah was lower than before.

Dog stuff....

I did not go to training with Foenix this week and Eric and I are not sure if I will be back before the big event. I am getting really tired of trying to keep up with my old schedule and was told today at the Dr. to keep my feet up and rest up.

Foenix is doing well with training as you know, and I see no reason why I can't expect to pick up where we left off now. I know going back he will be rusty but that's OK with me. He has a good foundation and will be great.

I've had a lot of boarding recently and that is good for me because my business makes money for relatively little effort on my part. Feed, water, walk, play with the boarding dogs is all I do with them so not only is it easy but fun too. :)

Ahhhh!! I should not have waited this long to update the blog!!

Because I have just so much to write about...come to think of it I might have to do two entries so they don't get too long and boring!!

First of all Baby Stuff....

Where do I begin? Since last time I posted we had our Church Baby Shower. It was so fun and so touching how many people were there to support the family and our new addition. Wow God is so Good to provide Eric and I with so many people who really care for us. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and get my Thank-You cards out to everyone.

The shower was big and we got so many gifts. Lots and lots of clothes, mostly for older babies 6-12 months which I appreciated because I already have a lot of newborn clothes. We got all our baby bedding with all of the matching room accessories. I love the set we picked out it's so pretty without being all Pink. I am not a pink hater- but it does get over done when the whole room is pink, pink and more pink. Another gift we got a lot of was blankets. The Deaconesses gift to us was a beautiful quilt made in Hannah's room colors of blues and yellows. It it sooooo pretty!! We got diapers, wipes, an infant bath chair, hair things, shoes, socks, and lots of other things I can't remember without going and looking at them. I was just such a surprise that we had about 35 women there to share in the fun.

We played two games, one of which got a lot of eye rolling from some of the ladies. LOL!! They had to use a straw, and only a straw and pass a pacifier to the end of the group. It was funny to watch but most were not really into it very much. I didn't blame them and opted out of the games. The other game was fun!! Everyone got a clothes pin and the group was forbidden to use the word "she" in any conversation. Needless to say some were better than others and the one with the most pins at the end of the shower won. It was a perfect game to keep going while I opened all my gifts because I had so many that they entertained themselves by chatting and seeing who would be next to lose their clothes pin.

Since my last post Eric and I have done a lot of discussing our birthing plan. One thing that made me much more confident was my M-I-L's best friend Celeste told Eric and I her daughter and Son-in-Law had their baby natural. Celeste was a great help in answering some of our questions and really put me at ease. I think that we will stay with our plan to have Hannah in Silverdale but we will just be very adamant about our plan and not let them pressure us. Eric has really surprised me with how much he is willing to 'go to bat' for our wishes and I'm sure he will be my first line of defence with any pushy doctors or nurses.

Tonight after I'm done here we are going to write up our plan and talk with my Dr. about it. We will know how much support we can expect tomorrow. I really like my Dr. and feel she will sign off of what we are requesting. After all we are only wanting to be able to have a natural birth, but in the long run we will do whatever it takes to keep our daughter safe. We are not asking for anything unusual...just some patience and understanding. That is all.

OK I need to go now, but I will post more later.....

Feeling stressed today...

Today is the day of my baby shower. Earlier today we also had a Dr. appointment were I was swabbed for the Strep B test. That was the easiest moment I've ever had with my feet in the stirrups!! Took about three seconds and then I was done. Loved it. Then Eric and I had lunch and then it was time for our "Stork Express" tour were we go into the hospital and pre-register for the labor and delivery.

My sister who swore up and down that she was going to come to my Shower called this morning and told left a message on the machine saying that she will not be attending the shower after all. Now this is par for the course with my family sometimes, unfortunately. I would not have thought much of it except that she was the one who said she "would not miss it". So I was really excited she was coming as she does not get over to our area much. So I am pretty disappointed by it.

When we went to our Stork Express appointment I was so excited to see the delivery suits and hear all about the hospital. But it turned out to be very stressful for me and I did not enjoy it at all. I was told about all these archaic policies about labor that they have and I was not too happy to hear about them. I really wanted a labor where I could move around and be in a natural position for birthing Hannah, but it seems some of the Doctors will make you be in stirrups and you don't get a say in what position you are in. Top that off with the 'mandatory' pitocin after you deliver to get the uterus back to normal and I was in knots by the time we left. When I started asking questions to the Labor and Delivery Nurse, who was in charge of our intake, could see I was concerned about all the crap they have as policy and she just plain told me that this hospital has "more of a Medical Model for childbirth." I said "yes I can see that". So I will have to write down all my concerns I have and speak with my Dr. about it and if they will not be flexible with policy Eric and I decided we will go to the next closest hospital that does not have so many of these 'policies'.

Eric did make me feel better though because in the end we have say on what we will or will not take and they cannot force anything on us. But the truth is I'd rather have a hospital staff that will work with me and not against me, because that will just make me more nervous and can make labor harder and longer if you cannot relax, at least be as relaxed as possible considering the fact that you are in labor. So right now I have to process all of it and I will be ok. I'm still a little too emotional over it and by tomorrow I will be much more calm. Eric and I are going to go over the concerns we have and talk to our Dr. next week and decide where to go with it then.

One kinda exciting thing is that I've had some bloody mucus and I think that means my cervix are changing. So who knows what will happen....

More baby stuff

Well I am getting ready for my baby showers. We are having a 'church' baby shower coming up on Tuesday night. I'm very, very excited!! Tuesday will be a very busy day for Eric and I. We have a Dr. appointment for Hannah in the morning, then in the afternoon we will go to take a tour of the hospital women's wing where our daughter will be born and we are also pre-registering for the birth day. Then the shower that evening. Wow so many positive things going on in one day!! :) One sad note about my baby showers is that my sister-in-law, Kristie, will not be attending. Kristie lives in New Zealand with her husband Scott. They got married this spring and I miss Kristie a lot. So she will be missed, maybe I'll send her a piece of cake? How about it Kristie, would you like me to? Ha ha.

Next will come my side of the family's baby shower thrown by my sister Lori. I am excited about that one too because I will get to see some people I don't get to see very often-- and it will be so much fun as well. My Mom will not be attending my church baby shower so she'll be there for this next one. I am sending the invitations myself for this shower just so my sister has a little less to do as I have most of the addresses with me anyway. I just got them filled out tonight as we were watching E.R., one of my favorite shows. It's funny how I can just listen to the show and not need to watch it...I think I do that a lot because I will recognize some commercials on TV only by sound and when I actually see them I am surprised it's all new except the dialog.

I continue to be uncomfortable, but I'm still ok. You know...it's not horrible. We got a phone call this evening from one lady we know from church and she was asking how to spell Hannah's name. She was on speaker phone so I could hear her and she asked Eric how I was and he said I'm fine but getting uncomfortable. She said that she enjoyed her pregnancy but some women don't. Well it's not that I don't like being pregnant, but I don't like being uncomfortable. Why does the fact I'm uncomfortable say I don't like being pregnant? I think that most women forget how uncomfortable they are and just remember the fun of pregnancy. I will too probably. I hope I forget what labor is like or I may not want any more kids after Hannah.

By the way. I am officially going to try and have a non-medicated birth. I do not want an epidural or anything else. I want to be able to move about my room and lean on Eric to coach me and my Mother to know how to coach Eric too. Now don't get me wrong!! I am not against drugs for labor, and I am leaving the option open for them. But, if possible, I won't use them. Just a choice I'm free to make on my own. I also do not want to be in bed for the delivery either or at least on my back-- I won't lay on my back to deliver her at all. I'll be on my side, standing, squatting or in a sitting up position. I've read a lot on this and even talked to my OB-GYN about it and she tells me that I can pretty much do what I want as long as I'm not hooked up to an epidural line or something like that.

I've been obsessively watching birthing vids on Youtube and I think I like what I see in the non-medicated births. Also I am not making these types of decisions without lots of thought and I've even been with two of my sisters as they gave birth and both had epidurals. So it's not like I don't' know what they are or how they applied.

I've been really moody the last few days. It seems like I can be in a great mood on minute and then for some reason I am feeling stressed or mad the next. No one has to do anything to me to change my mood either, it just kinda flows in and out. I don't know what to do except to pray when I'm feeling this way so I don't snap at everyone. I hope it passes soon.

Is Pregnancy fun?

Well is it? Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not...at all...fun. I enjoy the experience, especially since its my first time. I enjoy other people being happy for us and for themselves, I enjoy feeling her movement (some of it anyway). But the truth is, at least for me, it's not a bowl of cherries. I was told I would feel like this. And really I don't think I hate if like some women have described to me. But I am not one of those women who will tell you they enjoyed every last minute of all of their pregnancies. I am not complaining here, just giving my honest observations. I am very blessed with this child and Eric knows that too.

A few things that I don't like: I don't like not being able to tie my own shoes without grunting involuntarily. I don't like that I cannot eat a regular sized meal, especially dinner, without feeling miserable for the next three hours. I don't like that I feel thirsty all the time and that I can't drink a large glass of water to relieve the thirst, a full glass of water gives me heartburn. I don't like that I will get heartburn from not eating as well as eating. I dont like it when Hannah grinds head or hands or ?? into my pelvis and catches my organs between her bony head and my bony hip. I don't like her new favorite position where her feet are jammed up underneath both sides of my ribs and no matter how I move she will not remove them until she is ready.

Ok maybe I am complaining a little and I shouldn't be. But being pregnant really, truly alters you body and it's not always pleasant. But all in all, still not as bad as I've heard it could be. For most of my day I am doing fine, cumbersome, but otherwise I can move pretty well. I don't waddle, LOL, at least I don't waddle!! It's just after a lot of activity or later in the evening I get really uncomfortable. I'm having braxton hicks so often I don't even notice them most of the time. I am getting used to the feeling.

I still have 5 weeks to go, give or take two weeks. So she could be here as early as February 1st or as late as February 22-- but at least no later as my OB-GYN does not let you go more than 1 week past your due date. :) I think I will be very ready for her to be here by the time I go thru this for more than a couple more weeks.

Warning: if you don't want intimate details about pregnancy dont read the next paragraph!!

Here is my favorite (NOT!! read this dripping with sarcasm) new thing I'm supposed to be doing in preparation for my daughter. I am supposed to be, drum roll please!, Toughening My Nipples to prepare them for breastfeeding!! Whooo HOOO, boy is this fun! How is this done you ask? My Dr. casually told me last week that I am to be using a rough washcloth and rubbing them in the shower, then she told me I was supposed to "pull on them". What?? Come again Doctor? Ewwww gross..and ouch painful. I already have an issue with the colostrum leaking from me once a day, I find it very disturbing. But now I have to abuse that area as well? Ok if you say so..... So I started today in the shower, got my washcloth and did the deed, twice because it I found it was not as bad as I thought it would be. So after my second go-round with the washcloth I was done with the shower, got out, toweled off and was doing my normal after shower routine. All of the sudden my boobs started to ache sharply from the nipples to my shoulders. Shooting pains too. I was not happy. I think I over did it a bit. After about 10 minutes it started to die down to a dull ache and I was able to get my bra on. This lasted a total of about 30 minutes. Lesson learned, don't do more than you have to with this!! If the first time you try it and you find it's not as bad as you thought, don't try and speed up the process by doing more-- you will pay for it!! LOL, haha.

Thus concludes the graphic portion of my post...

I am happy to report that my dog boarding is really picking up, we really need the money right now. Today two dogs went home just in time for two new dogs to come in. The new dogs are nice and I like them, but they are pretty stressed from being here. Poor doggies, I feel bad that they are stressed, but they will get over it and relax. Training of Foenix didn't happen today due to snow, and also truth be told, because I didn't feel like doing it. It's getting really hard to keep up with him now.

Tonight my good friend Jen came to give Eric some relief from his Sciatica. Jen is an LMP and just move closer to us so she came and gave Eric a free therapy message. In turn I gave her gas money and made us a nice dinner. I really enjoyed having Jen over and catching up with her. I also liked that she told Eric the do's and don'ts of healing from this, most of which I've been telling him all along--but it's better coming from her. Jen will come over again on Thursday and do another message, I hope this gets my poor Hubby better faster. Thanks a bunch Jen!!

That's all for now....