Sunday, April 22, 2012

Absolutely NOT Motivated to here we go.

I don't know why I was so stupid as to post that I'd do "at lest weekly" blogs at the beginning of the year.  I have failed miserably at that announcement.  I won't do that again.

I don't know why I haven't wanted to blog.  Partially I guess because this pregnancy has consumed me.  Second is there's a LOT going on with my pregnancy but so much of it is more personal that I *should* share and I am trying to respect my Eric's desire for me not to share everything about this.  After all, me being pregnant has everything to do with him.

I am kind of in a bit of a funky mood today.  I'll give a little backgrounds so you might understand why.  First, I am now 17 weeks pregnant today!!  Made it into the second trimester -- so that means I have from 23-25 weeks to go.  We are due from mid September to mid October.  Hoping to give Eric his second child on his birthday in early October though. (that would be sooo awesome!)

So back to my mood and why.  I've had bleeding during the first several weeks of this pregnancy and up to week 11. I was discharged from High Risk and my Reproductive OB @ week 12.  He said I was free to find a new provider.  Well to be frankly honest he said I was free to find a new Ob/Gyn.  I didn't get a Ob/Gyn I opted instead for a Midwife.  After literally over a year of talking to Eric about a midwife he finally said he was comfortable with the idea.  So after a lot of personal referals from friends I found Niki, CPM.  Thus far she is really great and we like her a lot.

Last week I started bleeding again, out of the blue when I was at work.  Scary, bright red, fresh.  Over the next few days I continued some mild spotting.  Then again on Friday I had more fresh blood.  I had called Midwife Niki and talked to her several times.  We were on the same page that I should get a good detailed ultrasound -- but if it gets worse I should go to the ER.  So Saturday morning Hannah wakes me up as normal. I didn't feel right.  I mean I kinda felt like I had peed myself, or water had broken, OR that I was bleeding a lot.

Sure enough, bleeding quite a bit.  There was no question in my mind where I was going to be that day. So after a shower, and dropping Hannah off at my good friends house, (and some crying and freaking out) I was at Labor and Delivery Triage at a good hospital near me.

I felt a little like a hypochondriac laying in the bed, attached to the monitors for contractions, with nurses in and out of the room.  I know really, that going was the right thing to do.  But as Eric and I sat there, listening to the more "real" issues other women were having I felt bad for taking up the bed. *small rant alert*  Oh, and I find it really embarrassing that I have two legs that work just fine but they insisted in making me sit in a wheelchair while some poor aide had to push me through seemingly endless hallways until I got to my room!

So I was examined, blood was taken, and we had a useless quickie ultrasound to check the babies heart beat (which was already found by the nurse with a Doppler-- oh yes, and since I can feel baby moving I knew baby was alive anyway). I was not having contractions.  The bleeding had pretty much stopped by the time the Doctor took a look.  He scoffed at me having a Midwife, which I was mentally prepared for, but really it did irritate me.  He even went so far as to tell me that my Reproductive OB would be -- in his own words -- "offended that you chose to use a lay midwife after he let you go from his care." Ugh.  Whatever.  Obviously if I need a higher level of care for this pregnancy than a midwife can provide I'll have a regular Ob/Gyn.  But that has yet to be determined.

Ultimately I was put on modified bed rest for two weeks, pending detailed ultrasound for sometime this week (to be determined).  Modified bed rest doesn't sound so bad, unless you read really what it entails.  The only real difference between that and strict bed rest is that you can still do things like take daily showers and like, wipe down counters and fold laundry.  Other than that I am not supposed to do a dang thing.  I guess I am a bad patient because I really hate this.

Today I decided my tomato plants and roses needed watering so I had Hannah pull the hose for me and she helped me water, but even that was too much and I was cramping and bleeding from it.  Soooooooooooooo annoying!!  So that is why I am in a kinda bad mood because I really don't know how I can really be effective doing anything much. Plus I cannot work which puts us at a bad spot financially. *grumble...grumble...*

I know it is what is best for me and the baby. I know that.  But it is harder than you think -- suddenly being very restricted in your activities, even down to the most normal things.