Sunday, April 20, 2008

Just some updates..

Oh gosh it's been too long again since I signed in and updated my blog. It's been 10 long (and short) weeks since Hannah was born and I've learned so much. Having a baby and raising a baby is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. This is not a compliant, just a fact. It's also the best and most fun I've had as well. It’s truly a roller coaster of emotions. Elation, self-doubt, fear, guilt, anxiety, love, love, love, happiness, contentedness, exhaustion, and at times anger, did I mention love? cheerfulness, and finally some confidence too. :)

In the first three weeks after having her I had some major anxiety. The cause? Lack of sleep coupled with too many people and not enough privacy. At first I felt scared that I was going to have bad postpartum depression. But as the days ticked by I started feeling 'normal' in the evenings and slowly that feeling grew longer and longer until I had a full day of feeling like myself. I did a lot of crying during this time. It was hard on Eric to watch me go through this without knowing how to help me.

I've learned so much about myself through this time as well. I learned that I needed to be allowed to do things on my own without too much intervention from others. The first two weeks after Hannah was born I had a lot of 'help'. I appreciated it all...I really did and I feel bad even for writing this because everyone had the best intentions. But the truth is everyone coming over to help with the baby and house made me a little nuts-O. At the time I could not put a finger on it. When I would try and take a nap I could not sleep because every time I heard Hannah make a noise my adrenaline would flow and I could not relax-- it did not matter who was handling her or how competent they are. My sense of responsibility kept me from relaxing and I didn't even know it. As the help from everyone started to trickle off I got even better. Being faced with Hannah by myself was the very best therapy!! I started to gain confidence and started to feel like her Mom and not just "the booby person". Now I am fine with family watching her and can relax and I am so appreciative for all they do and all they did because I could not do it alone...but being allowed to learn how to take care of her by myself was the very best thing.

Eric is amazing with her and she gets so excited when he comes home from work!! As soon as she hears his voice she looks for him and when they see each other Hannah starts kicking and flailing her arms and panting and smiling at him. They've had a strong bond from the moment she was born. I am so grateful for Eric that he is such an amazing father. I, myself, did not have the greatest father figure so I really appreciate how blessed Hannah is to have him. I hope to teach her that she should be grateful and appreciative to God that she can have a real Dad in her life to fulfill his obligations and teach her what a man is supposed to be. Two parents is a great gift that I wish more children had. It makes me sad to think of all the little one's without both parents to balance out the childhood and life lessons along the way.

A question: Why am I so blessed to have a family like Eric and Hannah?

The answer: God's Grace!! Because I don't deserve them, but He saw fit for me to have these blessings. And God always has a plan.

When Hannah was about 2 1/2 week old I started to suspect she was colicky. I was a very colicky baby and was nervous from day one of my pregnancy that I would get a baby just like me. Well guess what? I did. LOL. Hannah's digestive problems started with her being very hard to burp, she would get very gassy and uncomfortable. I knew we were in for it and immediately started on the internet to see what I might be able to do to keep the colic at bay. Colic is diagnosed from the symptoms of hours of crying and obvious cramping, and gassiness. One of her most dramatic symptoms was she’d get really hungry but when she’d start eating she would literally fight eating. She would thrash around kicking and scratching me and could not keep a latch. It was so awful; she seemed in so much pain as soon as the breast milk would hit her system. Hannah has only a few nights of the crying but her abdominal cramping, constant diarrhea, restlessness and gas were terrible and kept her from sleeping. And kept Eric and I from sleeping too. I took her to the Doctor several times, finally her Dr. prescribed Zantac to help with stomach acid (or rather reflux). I don't know if it really helps or not. I also started giving her a homeopathic “Gripe water” that is supposed to soothe the tummy. I stopped giving it after about 5 weeks cause it did not seem to help at all—but it did get rid of hiccups nicely so it does have a purpose.

Hannah’s problems started to get really, really bad and her Doc told me that her problems might be allergies to some foods I eat. So I went on an ‘elimination diet’ and stop eating soy or dairy. So I did and it did seem to lessen the problems a very small amount, but it was hard to find food without those things in them!! I did the diet the very best I could and she had some good days but mostly bad. I had some very bad days as well, because when your baby is sick, it affects you as well. I cried a lot, got very frustrated and angry at the circumstances at times. I felt like I could not take much longer, the nights without sleep and a baby that seemed to be in almost constant pain was very, very hard to deal with. I did a lot of internet research still and found out that there are some hypoallergenic formulas for babies that have allergies. I took Hannah in yet again and without me even suggesting it her Doctor told me that I might try them. I refused for a week more that then one day I just could not put her and I through it anymore and went out and bought some Alimentum formula.

What a difference it made!!! She’s been on it for a week now and she’s only had two bad days and is so much happier and is sleeping well. I can’t tell you how happy I am that she is no longer fighting eating like she used to, the poor thing.

This is long enough, I’ll write more soon.

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