Thursday, May 29, 2008


Today marks one week that Buddy has been gone. I have some thoughts I'd like to share here. People have a wide range of reactions when I tell them Buddy was PTS (put to sleep) and out of his misery. Some people have a strong reaction with lots of sympathy and empathy. Others, those who knew me and him well, react solemnly but seem to know that it was indeed his time to go--they do not have a dramatic reaction to it. I've done a lot of thinking about that and I feel a little guilty for the way I feel about him not being here anymore.

You see, Buddy was with me so long. When he was diagnosed with his disease I think I mourned him more then than now. The last two years have been hard seeing him slowing become a mere shell of what he used to be both physically and mentally. Buddy was not and had not been Buddy for a long time. He slept outside every night, and while he had an awesome set up with a nice bed and a heat lamp, I felt so bad to have to make him be so isolated. He really didn't seem to care however, he'd rather lie under the heat lamp than be bothered by us. I know that is true. So all in all I am not so heartsick over his death as I thought I would be. I mourned him already. And I feel guilty for it, but it's only true. *sigh*

I have PMS. Ugh!! For a few days I've been having lower back pain and headaches and feeling a little on edge. When I went to take my pill this evening I realized I was on my placebo portion of the wonder I've been feeling this way. I'm happy to report that this pill prescription, Ortho Tricyclen Lo, seems to work well for me. I wanted a low dose pill, but was unsure of how I would be on it. I have a long history of very, very bad PMS and I do need the pill to keep me on an even keel. Otherwise I think Eric and I would not have such a happy marriage. I really hate the fact that I have to take a pill to keep me on even. Why does this have to be? But I'm glad for it, I was hoping not to go back on the pill because I hate having to put those extra chemicals/hormones in my system but after lots of discussion about other birth control methods the pill seems to be the very best solution for us. Oh well.

We looked into having an IUD placed. I even talked at length with my Ob-GYN but after reading about exactly how an IUD works I was not comfortable with it. We were going to go with the IUD that does have a low dose hormone in it. But I read that it does not prevent ovulation and I am not comfortable with the idea that I might get pregnant again, have a viable zygote/embryo and have it basically aborted because of the IUD. I want pregnancy prevention, not just embryo protection. The thought makes me feel ill. I can't do it.

So anyway that's probably more information than anyone needs, but this is my blog...

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