Non-update Update

Sooooo.....

My "tell-all-details-as-soon-as-possible!!!" side of me has a very difficult time writing this "update".  Several people have asked me if I got a positive test from this morning.

I can't tell you.  I took a test, actually I took 3 of them.  (Got rid of the last two Internet cheapies. Hey why not?).  I have results but I have sworn myself and my husband I wouldn't tell announce anything on my Blog just yet.  I will say that I am somewhat neutral right now...if that tells you anything.

Eric hid my tests today, he almost left for work without hiding them.  Then he grabbed them and went out into the garage with them. I had to stop him because the freezing temperatures we're having at night I am sure aren't compatible with these products.

Want to hear something pathetic?  This totally confirms my addiction.  After Eric left I found myself trying to mentally tally the dollars in my purse because the Dollar Tree has pregnancy tests.  Uhhh yeah!  Terrible right?  After I realized what I was doing I stopped right then and I didn't have the urge for the rest of the day.  Actually I found it quite freeing not having a test around to wonder about while my thoughts turn in circles of hope, then logic, then hope, then logic...it sucks and it is an emotional/mental roller coaster I want off of.  I got off of it today!! Yay ME! :)

I will test on Tuesday morning again.  But, with my new found mental freedom I might wait until Wednesday morning because that is Cycle Day 28 and the day before my expected period.  If by then I do not have signs of Aunt Flo then I know I should take a test.  It seems most logical to me. Can I do it though? Can I wait that long?  We'll see.  The more signs of A.F. the more reluctant I am to test.  If I don't start spotting by Tuesday night I will be soooooo very antsy for Wednesday AM.

On a totally unrelated (sorta, maybe not really) note, I have lost 6 pounds.  I equate that last pound gone to the Metformin.  I have now been on the 1000mg/day dose for several days and overall I am very satisfied with the results.  I am not having near as much trouble with it as I was last round.  I am taking both tablets at night before bed.  I can now recommend that others try the same thing and see if you don't feel better than taking one twice a day.

Random thought alert: My boobs hurt a lot.  They are aching even as I am sitting here typing.  Last night they were hurting laying in bed when I wasn't moving.  When I was pregnant with Hannah I had that problem to a certain extent.  But I don't remember really how it felt.  When I was pregnant in May, one of my first signs I should test was the absence of breast pain before my period. What could be more confusing than that?

Oh Yay!  I just thought of something totally unrelated to my own saga of TTCing.  Now I will talk about one of my Rabbits who TTC'd a couple weeks ago.  I confirmed pregnancy yesterday.  I could feel her babies moving and rolling inside her.  Yes, I AM living vicariously through my rabbit.  LOL!  So I will have cute baby bunnies to love on in about two weeks.  I am very, very excited and looking forward to them.  I just hope this doe is as good of a first time Mommy as her own Mother was.

Intervention Needed

I have an addiction, it is a very hard thing to admit. 

*stands up*

"Hello, my name is Jamie B. and I am addicted to peeing in a cup, then testing it for anything related to getting pregnant."

*sits down*

Anyone nodding their heads in understanding?  Anyone laughing? Good, you're supposed to.  However this is really a serious thing for me.  Eric told me tonight that I am a bonafied testing addict.

I tested today.  And got a test line visible, but I am not sure if it is a positive or an evaporation line.  Evap lines are really common and I have had them before...but this line does look a bit different to me.  We shall see tomorrow.  I got some of the good tests -- as I type that I picture myself telling you that in a dark alley with shifty eyes.  All drug dealer-ish.  These are the highest rated tests on the market. No Internet cheapies this time.  And I will take one tomorrow morning.

Here's where I have made strides in my addiction.  While purchasing "the goods", I decided I needed some help.  Like I told Eric tonight -- I have NO self control, if there is a test in the house I have to take it.  It's bad!!  Not only am I wasting money, but I am just setting myself up for failure by testing too early.  It is a roller-coaster of emotions, and more often than not, I just end up wanting to cry when I finally get Aunt Flo.  It is very difficult to feel like you're doing everything right, only to have a negative outcome month, after month, after month, after month......

So my decision is this: After tomorrows test I have asked Eric to hide the rest.  I will not go looking for them.  I know this because he always tells me where he puts my holiday/birthday gifts and I have never looked at them.  But if I know they are unavailable I will be able to focus on other things.  I will be free.

It is pretty pathetic that at 32 years old I cannot control my lust for peeing in a cup.  So I resort to this step of self-intervention...*sigh*

I will let you know how the test comes out in the morning some time. :)

Heartburn Makes Me Blog..or Barf

It's been a few days since I felt like blogging.  I have to be "in the mood" in order to feel effective.  I'm not really in the mood now.  No, rather I am killing time because I have seriously bad heartburn and know that laying down will only make it worse.

So here I sit.  I do not really have an update of much use on me trying to conceive (TTC).  I have now been on the Metformin for six days.  I have only had three days of digestive upset (aka: diarrhea) and those weren't as bad as I had remembered it being. Though, I almost want to slap my own hand for typing that because I suspect that I don't remember much of being on this dose and the horrors of the increased dosage will be made clear tomorrow when I take two in one day.  Lovely.  I have not decided if I am going to take both at once or space them 12 hours apart.  Last time I spaced them, I see no need in doing that again really, so I will be my own guinea pig.  I'll surely let you all know how it goes.

I have no pregnancy symptoms. I am only 3 days past ovulation.  I am considering Sunday to be the O day, because I got the positive OPK on Saturday morning.  This is, of course, just an educated guess.  I am really tired the last two days and sick to my stomach.  But I know that it is just the Metformin.  I can take a test really any day after tomorrow.  Seems early doesn't it?  Why, yes you are right.  My secret?  I have 5 pregnancy tests that can detect as little as 10 something-somethings (I cannot remember the until of measurement in this right now) in your pee as opposed to the 25+ something-somethings that the regular pregnancy test can read.  They measure the units of HCG or Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (human grown hormone) in the urine, anything above a measure of 5 is considered pregnant. However to get an accurate test below 10 can only be done by a blood check.  So I guess what I am trying to say is these tests are the next best thing to a blood draw. 

Long story short is I can test earlier than the 10-14 day wait.  But, and this is a big "but" -- I don't think I will test as early as they say I can.  This is because I want to know for sure, not just take a test and go in denial about the results... because that happens nearly every month.... And I am sick of it.  I want to know the first test I take. But, lets be real here.  I will take a minimum of two tests.  I accept that.  I'd just like to, for once, just wait for my period without peeing on a stick the day before, day of, and day after.  Besides, I cannot seem to aim at all and I always get my hand wet.  LOL Just kidding.  No, I USED to always get my hand wet. Now?  I pee in a cup.  Ha ha!  Now I only get the cup all wet.  Don't laugh now, it is a step in the right direction....really.